The Dentist's Coach ® Blog

There’s one thing almost universally true about us dentists: we live in fear. No, we’re not paralyzed by it, we don’t sit in our offices wringing our hands, and we don’t walk around with that “deer-in-the-headlights” look. We’re not gut-less, we’re not incapable, and we certainly aren’t lacking courage.

We’re happy when we’re busy, productive, and profitable, and we’re nervous when we’re not. Why is that?  Do you think that suddenly no one wants or needs dental care? Do you think that your patients are going to wake up and leave you for some other dentist because they’re giving away “free” tooth whitening? Are you wondering what our government will throw at us next? Regardless, you’re not alone.

Not only are we a profession that lives in fear – fear of failure, fear of loss of income, fear of the government, fear of litigation, fear of criticism, and SO many more – we live in a nation that lives in fear.

When you can scare somebody, you have him or her right where you want him or her; and, they’ll mostly do anything you tell them to do to get them out of their predicament. It’s a tactic used by politicians, law enforcement, marketers, the media … pretty much anybody who wants you to do something or wants something out of you.

I’m sorry to report that some dentists use that same tactic to get their patients to accept treatment. Sad, but true, and worse, they were taught by people in our industry to do that, all for the sake of money – more money. And as if money would buy … Happiness? Peace of mind? Security?

The source of our fear-based culture can be traced back even to the founding of our country. Of course, that’s all historical evidence, and won’t really help us now, except to realize it’s not a new phenomenon. To quit living out of fear is the journey that will help you and our profession.

Steve Jobs, the famous founder of Apple Computers, had this to say: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown our your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

How can we forge ahead fearlessly, not knowing what is around the corner?

For one, you do realize on a much deeper level there is no such thing as security. Life just happens, and it will always throw you a curve. However, you can prepare yourself for these changes (change being the only constant) by paying attention to what’s going on around you, whether it’s your practice or anything else in your life. Next, be grounded in who you are as a professional and as a person. Steve Jobs’ advice is sage advice: “have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition”. Too often we let other people put ideas in our head, as if we can’t think for ourselves. Wrong! When you allow other people put ideas in your head, fear enters.

To have a healthy life, you must have healthy boundaries with other people. Use this checklist to see what you can shore up!

• To be in relationship with me, people MUST listen and honor what I say.
• No snide comments, subtle digs or less than honoring conversation – no matter what.
• I tell everyone exactly how they may talk to me, treat me or be with me.
• I simply walk away from people who are angry or are inappropriate with me.
• I don’t help people unless they have specifically asked that I do so and I can do so with virtually no cost to myself.
• I spend my time with people who always see the best in me, not with those who disregard or belittle me. I quickly sense toxic people and I stay away!
• I know my 3 core needs and am now getting them satisfied.
• I do not engage in bottom line behaviors. I say no to people who want things from me that may cost me to give.
• I do not abuse my body in any way.
• I know in the moment when I am disturbed (vs. feeling or recognizing it later).
• I feel comfortable questioning people, their motives and what is happening right now.
• I am willing to speak up and be heard.
• I tell the truth as soon as I sense it.
• I have stopped tolerating anything, anytime.
• I do not use the phrases if…then, I’m fine (when I am not), whatever you can do.
• When I don’t like something, I change it.
• I do not wait, rationalize or explain, ever.
• If I don’t want to, I say NO and am willing for others not to like that answer.
• Things and people are either acceptable or unacceptable and I act accordingly.
• If things are not going the way I want, I make a clear and firm request of those involved.
• Regardless of the perceived consequences, I now speak my mind and do what I want, not what I think I should do.
• It is now okay with me that not everyone likes or loves me. They can even dislike me. That is their thing, not mine.
• People must be straight with me.

I am not the author of these questions, although as a coach, I have often asked them of my clients. I think they are worthy to think about and dig inside yourself for the answers. Remember, these questions have no right or wrong answers, because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?

Decisions are being made right now.

The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

I often get asked about how to go about giving raises.

My first response is “Why?”, something I normally don’t ask.

Remember that raises are “permanent” and affect many other elements of your practice, such as taxes, retirement plans, and more. An increase is wages is irreversible and should only be reserved for those team members that are performing exceptionally well consistently. What that means is that they are consistently going above and beyond what you hired them for in the first place, going beyond their job description and assignments.

I always offer pay increases to my team, and I tell them that I increase pay based on performance and not promise. I also use a form I developed (just email me for the form) called a Salary Conference Form, in which the team member fills out the information and schedules a time to meet with me. The form outlines three areas that would be considered for pay raises. These are:

• Increase the productivity and profitability of the practice
• Decrease the overhead of the practice
• Contribute in a tangible way to improve the image of the practice

Once they have completed the form, I meet with them to discuss their plans in any or all of these areas, then assist them in developing a plan to help them reach their goals. We also agree on a time to review their progress and results, and we also decide how much the pay raise would be.

Sounds good, right?

Generally speaking, most team members will not be willing to do what is necessary to deserve an increase in pay, but almost all think they deserve an increase in pay. For this reason, I use a Compensation Review form at the beginning of each year to review with them all of the costs to the practice associated with their employment, since most team members think that what they’re being paid is what they see on their paycheck after taxes have been taken out, which will be more this year.

Associated with this is the Cost of Living increase.

This is an increase that you must be careful with, as it is also permanent and can affect your bottom line in a significant way. If your practice is profitable and you feel you can afford this type of increase, then do it, but not by a percentage, since everyone’s percentage will be different. Pick a number, say $2000, and give each team member the same $2000 cost of living increase. You can avoid giving these type of increases for several years if your profitability is flat or declining, but you may have to eventually give some sort of cost of living increase. So, make sure you’re focused and making enough money each year to be able to do this!

Those who know their WHY are the ones who lead. They are the ones who inspire.

So says Simon Sinek, the author of “Start With Why”.

In dentistry, we’re great with knowing WHAT we do, and for the most part, our teams generally know HOW we do what we do. But few – if any – really “get it” on WHY we do what we do.

No, it’s not as simple as “because people need dental care” or “because that’s how I make my living”. It’s much deeper than that, and it’s a question that is worth pondering a very long time.

When you can answer that question, you will inspire your team and your clients to promote and accept the care you can provide.

What proof? Look at what Apple has done. It took Steve Jobs years to really get it right, and when he really honed it on WHY Apple does what it does, that company took off.

So, is it worth it to you to ponder this question? Want to engage in a conversation?

There are very few dentists I talk with that don’t have some level of fear and/or anxiety about what the future holds for them and their practice.

Whether it’s Obamacare, insurance industry changes, corporate dentistry, finding an associate, debt, or any other of a hundred items, the dial has been turned up on the fear factor. Telling you all will be well isn’t going to change how you feel.

For those of you who have practiced for at least 15 years, you’ve at least seen some ebb-and-flow to know that everything is temporary, but yet you’re still concerned.

Fear is a very interesting subject, one that’s been written about for thousands of years. And, in no other culture I know of except the American culture does fear reign King. Think about that for a minute, if you would. One thing for sure, if you can scare someone, they’ll probably do what you say. Interesting, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, it’s a tactic I’ve seen used in dentistry, and I don’t like it one bit. Look up quotes on fear; there’s thousands of them.

I ask you to think about the role that fear makes in your decision-making process in your practice … how does it contribute to your feeling of success, peace, fulfillment, and happiness? Does it work well, or not so well?

Are you ready to make changes?

Are you playing victim? As the leader, manager, parent, or any other role that you play in your life, either at work or at home, are you succumbing to blaming others, the economy, the President, or any others for what’s going on in your life and business?

I was, and I couldn’t believe it. How could I have been lulled into being a victim? I had actually convinced myself that I was doing everything I could to lead my business into prosperity, that I was doing everything I could … Yet, I noticed the decline. I racked my brain. What was it that we could do better? More efficiently? More effectively? My answers came up: nothing, nothing. Everyone says we are doing everything “right”. Look at our awards. Must not be me. Oops.

I began first by blaming the economy. Then the President. Then the insurance companies. Then my landlord. Then those that had tried to help me. No matter what, I couldn’t see that what was happening was the result of what I was doing. It just couldn’t be!

I was playing victim out of my own righteousness. Worse, I was playing leader and victim.

We all have fallen prey to similar, if not the same situations. We begin by looking outside of ourselves for the answers, and when we don’t find them, when we think we’ve done everything we can, we do what most people end up doing: blaming others. We have then become the victim.

So, I have one simple coaching question for you this month: What are you playing victim to in your life?

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of the house!

We tell ourselves that life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with . . . and remember that time waits for no one.

Stop waiting . . . until your car is paid off, until you get a new home, until your kids leave the house, until you go back to school, until you finish school, until you lose 10 pounds, until you gain 10 pounds, until you get married, until you get a divorce, until you have kids, until you retire, until summer, until spring, until winter.

Or, until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Discussion boards are alive these days with ideas, complaints, fear, inaccuracies, promises, gimmicks, and much, much more. It’s easy to get sucked into the ruckus because everyone has an opinion, and sometimes these opinions erupt into near name-calling. What the heck is going on?

I’m not here to take sides, tell you what you should be doing to create the future you want, or to offer solutions to the woes of dentists and dentistry.

I am here to coach you about creating and developing the skills necessary to adapt and flourish in rapidly changing times. Understand this:

• The past is over. You can’t change it, it happened. The End. Next page.
• The future is not under your dictatorial control. You can influence your future, and if you are so-minded, you can help influence the course of dentistry.
• The present is happening right now, so don’t fall asleep at the wheel. You cannot go to work every day and just see how much dentistry you can convince someone to pay you for. That will lead to big troubles.
• In order to be able to adapt and flourish, you have to start looking at yourself. Who are you? Yes, I know, a dentist, among many other roles you play. That’s not what I’m asking. What I’m asking is who are you at the core of your being? Don’t want to think about it? I’m not your guy. If I am your guy, then I want you to identify your values and principles and commit them to paper. Think about this for a while. What guides your decisions, your direction, and your life? Do you listen to your own inner voice, or do you jump from one person or organization that claims to have the next grand solution?
• What ways have you created reserves in your life? Perhaps you’re running your practice from month-to-month, hoping you have enough to pay the bills … without having to make any changes in how you operate or the income you’re taking. Perhaps you’re also living at home month-to-month, also. Do you have a plan for creating reserves in your life? And, I don’t just mean monetary reserves, but reserves of time, renewal, introspection, personal growth, professional development – and more.
• Do you have high standards in all you do? Do you meet those standards daily? Are you brave enough to set the bar higher than what it is now, or have you let things slip for whatever reason?
• Do you plan, or do you “wing it”? What about involving your team? Have you become frustrated with them, even to the point of blaming them for the state of your practice? Have you resorted to being a micro-manager, or just thrown in the towel?

These are tough – even brutal, “in-your-face” questions – but nevertheless are questions you’ve got to address if you’re going to create a future of choice, despite what the President, the ADA, the AGD, our government, or the insurance industry throws at us. A one- or two legged stool that you may be perched on will easily topple. It’s time to build an indestructible practice and life that will happen no matter what comes your way. It’s times like these that separate the pros from the hacks, the leaders from the followers, and the survivors from the victims. Truly, we don’t have it that bad, but if you want to believe it is, then go ahead; how well would that serve you?

I didn’t become a professional coach until I had been practicing dentistry for fourteen years. It was during the last five of those fourteen years that I began asking myself all of these difficult questions, and most importantly, started doing something about it. I was given a deck of cards that no dentist would envy, and one that would’ve done most dentists “in”. I could’ve easily chosen a different path, but I didn’t.

One of the things I discovered is that I wasn’t as stupid as everything I read told me I was. The second thing I discovered was that all of us have the answers – and the guts – inside of us to make the changes in our lives and practices that only we know the intimate details about. Third, I discovered that my purpose was to help others find their own way. Thus, true professional coaching because a passion of mine the past eleven years, and yes, I practice dentistry full time, too.

What are the steps that you can take to create a different present reality (if you want one) or a preferred future of choice (if you want that one, too)? As a professional coach who won’t step over that pile in the floor (you know what I’m referring to), here are some starters that – if you choose to complete them – will pay dividends from this point forward.

1. Set aside time to honestly and openly answer the above questions. Get help to brainstorm if you need it.
2. Decide what skills you need to improve to be able to raise your standards.
3. Develop a one month, six month, one year, and five year plan. To do this for your practice, follow a template, such as Jim Horan’s One Page Business Plan. Evaluate often – very often. Changing times means changing plans – or dying on the vine.
4. Clean up all the things you’ve been putting up with in your practice and your life. If you spend a lot of time putting out fires, being pulled away from important tasks, or enabling people to be poor employees, you can’t spend the time you need to tend to the important tasks.
5. Take care of yourself. A vacation is not a CE course. Eating fast food is not giving you more time. Sleeping fewer hours isn’t creating more productive hours each day.
6. Quit competing with anyone or everyone; it won’t serve you. Look to collaborate, connect, and communicate. Learn how to let your ego take a back seat.

Greater success, a solid practice, and a rewarding life doesn’t happen by chance; it happens by hard work. Time to roll up your sleeves!

The joys of business ownership … we know them all too well, don’t we?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any trouble at all fitting everything in during half of every 36 hour day. Piece of cake. It always leaves me another 18 hours to sleep, eat, bathe, visit with family and friends, go fishing, play golf, ride my bike, go backpacking, enjoy a dinner and movie out,  and those sorts of things. You know, that “balance” thing.

You say, “What do you mean, 36 hour days?”

Oh yeah, we only have 24. Well, that means we have 6 hours each day to do all those other things. How could I have been so forgetful?

The demands we dentists have are heavy and burdensome. Doing it along is usually what happens, as most of us are solo practitioners. It’s tough, and getting loads tougher.

How can you make your life and practice manageable and fun? How can you experience the peace and fulfillment you’ve worked so hard for?

That’s such a huge question, isn’t it? Please don’t believe there are shortcuts. Every successful dentist who has achieved those objectives will tell you it took dedication, lots of hard work, an honest look at themselves, and much more. It was, in fact, the journey of a lifetime, and they would tell you they wouldn’t have had it any other way, despite the hardships. Those hardships defined who they are something they may not have accomplished had they not been willing to dig deep.

As a coach, I help dentists find their path, stay on that path, and accelerate them toward their goals. With a coach, you’ll get there at least twice as fast, as long as you’re willing to take action.

How bad do you want your dreams?